Editor, Gazette-Journal:

Once upon a time, farmers over on the Eastern Shore started growing more beans and potatoes than they could eat, so they sold them far and wide. Oyster and clam growers sold their stuff far and wide, too. Mostly, everyone thought that was a good thing.

But, for oyster and clam growers on this side of the Bay, the story changes. Oysters have been tasked to do something far more than merely feeding people. The politically correct, super smart, titled higher-ups have proclaimed oysters will henceforth clean up the Bay. You heard me right, McDuff! Remove pollution!

Squeaky, back in the corner, pipes up and says, "If you please, Sir, I really don’t want to eat pollution eaters. I just want plain old oysters, and besides I’m sick and tired of hearing …" Uh oh, when the Lord High Commissioner, Chesapeake Bay Superstructure and anybody who was somebody heard that, they got together a goon squad, guys who knew how to take care of tro...